Review of Sword Art Online

My, my, my...where to begin with this anime... See, the thing is, I really liked it...when I first got into anime. See, I was really naïve back then. I hadn't watched a lot of anime, I didn't pay much attention to plot or characters, and I loved SAO from the moment I watched it based on the premise alone. Heck, I liked it so much I wrote an awful self-insert fanfiction sequel thing based on it. I LOVED this friggin anime. ...Then I grew up. And after (attempting to) rewatch this series several times...yeah, I don't know what I was smoking when I was younger, this showis god awful. I know the internet loves to hate on this show so I'm in no way treading new ground, here, but new people are getting into anime every day, so I owe it to them to inform them of how truly terrible this show is. If for whatever reason you are interested in watching this piece of crap anime, leave now, because I am going to *SPOIL THE EVERLIVING CRAP OUT OF IT. SERIOUSLY, THIS IS YOUR ONE AND ONLY SPOILER WARNING.*

First off, Kirito. Just, Kirito...seriously, what the frick is up with this character??? He is AWFUL!!! Literally just a Gary Stu with no real personality traits except that he's a loner. HE IS SOOOO ONE-DIMENSIONAL. He's basically just YOU. The viewer. Why'd they make their main character a blank slate with no real character depth, interesting backstory, or character traits? So YOU can pretend that YOU'RE the main character, instead, because all this anime is is WISH-FULFILLMENT. Seriously, it's a harem anime first and foremost, and I HAAAAAATE harem anime. They are DISGUSTING. ...Well, okay, not all of them are terrible, but I've only seen like, three or four that were any good, and I have yet to watch one that I've truly enjoyed. This one is one of the WORSER examples. EVERY GIRL IN THIS GIRL FALLS FOR KIRITO. EVERY. GIRL. EVEN HIS COUSIN. YES, HIS COUSIN. THIS SERIOUSLY HAPPENS. (see Fairy Incest Arc) I know it probably sounds like I'm exaggerating about how bad of a character he is, but I'm really not. He NEVER develops, ever. The only HINT of a character arc we really get for him is him joining a guild, quitting because of a traumatizing event, and then learning to be part of a team again. Does it work? NO!!! Why not? HERE'S WHY.

Okay, so the whole idea with the guild thing is that Kirito is a loner and doesn't like to play games with other people. This begs the question of why the frick he's playing an MMO, but whatever, he's a loner I guess. That's fine, I suppose. But the thing is, he joins the Guild after saving one of their members from dying...which he was only able to do because his level is so high. WHICH SHOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE BC PLAYERS IN GUILD ARE *ALWAYS* HIGHER LEVELS THAN PLAYERS WHO AREN'T, AND ANYONE WHO HAS EVER PLAYED AN MMO SHOULD KNOW THIS!!! LONE WOLVING IT IS *NOT* A GOOD STRATEGY IN AN MMO!!! But whatever, he's Mr. Super Gamer or whatever, so he's like level one hundred or some BS. They try to pass it off by saying that he was a beta tester for SAO so he knows things most new players wouldnt, but thats still horsecrap. How would he have made it far enough in the beta to know everything if he only played by himself? Whatever, I can get over it, I guess. What I CANNOT get over is that he doesnt tell them he's a higher level, because he doesnt want people to think he's a cheater...we'll come back to this in a second. Okay, so he joins the guild and becomes close friends with the girl he rescued, Sachi, who of course falls in love with him because...she has a vagina and it's SAO, so the plot dictates she loves him. I dont freaking know. Anyway, they do this raid on a dungeon or some crap, and they come into an empty room with a treasure chest...which Kirito knows is bobby-trapped bc he played the beta. Does he tell his new friends that he's a beta-tester and that the chest is rigged? NOPE. What does he do instead? HE LETS THEM OPEN THE CHEST, AND JUST STANDS THERE WHILE EVERY MEMBER OF HIS GUILD IS KILLED. PERMENANTLEY. Remember, SAO's big gimmick-you die ingame, YOU DIE IN REAL LIFE. Kirito...is a MURDERER. He withhold information that he knew dang well would save their lives...because he didn't want to admit he lied. WHEN HE DIDN'T NEED TO LIE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! Anyway, he stands there and watches them get killed like a retard, and then somehow makes it out of there alive. Because of course he's does, it's Kirito. Who gives a crap if the room was boobytrapped and his guildmates werent able to teleport out. Does he defeat the monsters? I don't remember, but I'm pretty sure he doesnt, and if he did it happens offscreen. God this show sucks...anyway, he goes to tell the guild leader, who was the only one who didnt go on the raid...and he stands there and does NOTHING while said guild leader hops up onto a ledge. And then he just sits there crosseyed like a freaking retard as his only remaining friend COMMITS SUICIDE. KIRITO, YOU'RE OFFICIALLY THE WORST HUMAN BEING *EVER*.

They then try to do this really stupid filler episode where there's this bonus Christmas related item or some crap that can revive a dead player, and of course he wants to revive Sachi with it bc he liked Sachi I guess even though they shared like two scenes together and the only character traits she had were that she liked Kirito (which again, every woman in the show does) and she was kind of cowardly. I can see why he'd be interested. Anyway, he goes on a quest to find the item, only to discover that it can only revive a player within the first few minutes of them being dead, so he gives it to another guild or something, and this is supposed to make us feel SORRY for him. Um...no. I'd feel SORRY if he didn't stand there like a moron while all his friends were killed. I'd feel SORRY if he legitimately tried to get his guildmates out of there alive but wasn't able to. I'd feel SORRY if he didn't lie about his level, not tell his guildmates that he was a beta tester, and then stand by and say NOTHING while they walked into a death trap. I do not feel SORRY for Kirito...because HE killed them!!! THIS IS NOT HOW YOU DEVELOP A MAIN CHARACTER!!! WHO WROTE THIS??? IT COULD'VE BEEN FIXED SO EASILY!!! DO THEY NOT KNOW HOW TO *PROOFREAD*???

...God this show sucks. Anyway, after that the show meanders around in pointless filler for an eternity, and Kirito and this chick Asuna start falling in love because...the plot says so, idk. Like I said, every chick in the show has a thing for bland, generic Gary Stus, so it makes sense on her end, but Kirito doesnt really have a reason to like her, her only real character traits are that she has a maxed out cooking skill and they teamed up together during one of the first boss fights in the game. Oh, and she has boobs, I guess. This anime is somehow sexist against women AND men at the same time, how is that even possible??? Anyway. He ends up joining the guild, because he gets beat in a duel by the guild leader and that was the condition of the fight, even though Kirito couldve just backed down bc it was so obvious he was never gonna win, seriously why don't they read through these scripts once they finish writing them, and then we literally pause the story to show Kirito and Asuna getting married and adopting a glitch in the game that takes the form of a little girl. Said little girl is literally THE ONLY female in the entire series that doesnt want to jump Kirito's bones. Yay....she's still awful. She serves literally no purpose, she's just there. JUST LIKE KIRITO!!!

Anyway, I'm getting sick of typing this, so I'll skip ahead. Later on it's revealed that Heathcliff, the guy who leads the guild that Asuna and Kirito are a part of, is actually the creator of SAO, and he created the game bc...reasons, I guess. I don't know, and frankly, at this point I don't CARE, either. He also reveals that he's the final boss of the game, and that they have to beat him if they ever wanna escape the game. Yipee. Fast forward a bit more, they confront him in a final battle, during which Asuna is "tragically" killed...oh no. Not Asun-yeah, I seriously didn't even give a crap.

Kirito gets all mad, so he starts swinging at Heathcliff with the most pathetic sword swipes I have ever seen, and yet somehow he is able to kill him...at the cost of his own life, as well. (And NOTHING of value was lost.)

Kirito and Asuna wake up in heaven or some crap, they embrace and prepare to face death...only for Kirito to magically wake back up in the hospital. AND THEN THE REAL FUN BEGINS.

Okay, so if this anime wasn't bad enough already, then they go into the next story arc, which literally REMOVES THE ONE ASPECT OF THE SHOW I LIKED-SAO. Y'know, the virtual MMO where if you die in the game, you die in real life? All those stakes, all that potential, and they did NOTHING with it-and it doesn't even last longer than half a season!!! GAAAAAAAH!!!!!

Anyway, then the Fairy Incest Nonsensical Retard We Don't Know How To Write A Freaking Story arc begins. Kirito has returned to life as normal, but cant find Asuna. Someone sees a picture of her locked inside a cage in a new virtual MMO people are playing, so he buys the game and starts playing in order to rescue her...madness ensues.

...Y'know what, I don't even feel like finishing this review, the anime honestly doesn't deserve it, and I'm freaking tired. If you're young enough or naïve enough to watch this anime, then by all means, go ahead. If you like SAO, more power to you-but I hate it, and I think it is one of the worst anime ever made, if not THE worst. Definitely the worst one I've ever seen. Like I said, it's your life, you do what you want, but I would seriously advise AGAINST watching this show. If you wanna watch a good anime about people playing videogames in a virtual world, watch Accel World, or heck, even .hack. Do NOT watch this unless you're extremely bored, stupid, and/or drunk. That is all.