Review of Sword Art Online

[SPOILERS for SAO 1. Not that you'd want to watch any of the other seasons, or this one for that matter.] Sword Art Online, a wonderful place where the year only has four months and the characters are A7 paper sized in all dimensions. I have experienced the unfortunate experience of watching the first season of this pandering, idiotic, and terribly written mess so you don't have to. Story: So some idiot called Kirito gets trapped in a VR video game (because the owner is evil mwha ha ha) - they only ship 10,000 copies of for some reason, presumably because they want to go out ofbusiness.
Then, after sleeping with a few hopefully similarly aged girls to him, he goes and finds this random idiot called Asuna. Now, while this girl does do the great deed of berating our protagonist for being a complete and utter asshole (for falling asleep for literally no reason initially), she quickly falls in love like the shallow 12 year old girls these female sidekick characters, for lack of a more sexually charged term, seem to be. All of this happens in 3 episodes, over a period of about one year - you see, the writers can't write proper relationships, so just skip them. (It's probably safe to assume when A-1 pictures were adapting the manga, they just brought over a few of the 17 year olds from the hentai department for writers.)

Anyway, after something something floors something something kidnapping something something fanservice something something guy teleports them out except Asuna and like 300 other people as part of a forced marriage plot (as they need 300 people for that ignoring the fact that it's completely stereotypical crap), we reach the second arc of SAO, the Aincrap Arc. Sorry, I mean Aincrad Arc. Oh yeah, they had an orphan child with no memories at some point (because that hasn't been done a billion times before), guess they couldn't wait to get out before having kids.

Asuna's character has been stripped of everything of substance (not that there was any to begin with) and is now a pathetic attempt at a sexier version of Princess Peach (to pander to teenagers) with all the female stereotypes you can expect. Ignoring the plot holes (Why the hell does he need 300 other people for this marriage plot? how was the vr gear created? Why isn't the government shutting this down? How did he get access to the VRMMO engine used by SAO? Why does this exist? Why is Reki Kawahara an idiot? etc), this is extremely dumb.

Basically, his sister finds him...somehow, and the idiot child becomes a self-help pixie, because WOO!!!!!. Then blah blah blah rescue the idiot damsel in distress Asuna, blah blah blah girlfriend, blah blah blah relationships, blah blah only happiness, blah blah 4,000 suicides. Woo, I survived this crap.

Also there was some tentacle stuff (if you get what i mean) and Asuna presumably becoming sentient and trying to break out of this damsel-in-distress hell. (She failed.)

I hear SAO 2 begins with Kirito and Asuna willingly going back into a VR game. Oh dear lord.