Review of Sword Art Online

All right. I didn't want to waste my time writing a review for an anime that not only was released a few years ago, but is also hated equally by so many people that this will just be an echo of those past reviews with thousands of votes. But, unfortunately MAL wouldn't allow me to recommend SAO and Utsu Musume Sayuri (with a very convincing argument as to why those two are similar, if I do say so myself), so now I feel inclined to write a review just to get my two cents out there. If you hate this anime too (gold star foryou!) then, again, this will just be an echo of what you've already read, but I encourage you read it anyway. Why? Because those of us who see SAO for the beaten dead milked cow it is should really stick together. I'll keep it short and sweet.

Story: 1

Where to begin... Almost everyone, whether they hate or love this anime, can agree the first two episodes were decent. I personally enjoyed episode 1. It introduces some promising characters, reveals a colourful and unique setting, sets up a plot of some sort, and ends with a spark: The antagonist has trapped real people within his virtual game and these players must reach the top floor of a castle to survive. And from there...the 90 degree drop. By about only episode 3 (count 'em, THREE) we've jumped ahead two years and thousands of players have died. Already this leaves viewers wondering why they should continue watching. The value of the spark, that players' lives are on the line, has been destroyed. If thousands of faceless, nameless, story-less characters have died, then why should I give a shit about what happens to those with a face, name, story? They'll probably die too. That or, worse, they'll be doted on like some rich spoilt kids over the servant children. It's not a requirement for a writer to make every character realistic, but to set up a plot that involves many characters only to kill them off without so much as a reaction from them or a glimpse of who they were is just lazy and again, it ruins any value the story had.

Art and Sound: 4

I placed these two together because they're both the only okay bit of this anime. And by okay, I mean they're not as horrible as the rest of it, but they're certainly nothing to praise, either.

Characters: 1

Just like the story, the characters are lazily written.

Kirito: He's the main protagonist who can do anything and everything. He can fight, he can lead, he can hack the very game he's trapped in (but not use his powers to escape?) he can make all the cardboard males want to be him and all the cardboard females swoon. The only time I'd care about a character like this is if /I/ wanted to be him, and I don't. Same goes for all viewers who do not want to /be/ your protagonist. A blank slate means nothing to them and is, therefore, not interesting or worth their time.

Asuna: One of Kirito's many cardboard girlfriends and the only character I've ever seen REGRESS rather than DEVELOP. She started off strong. She was leading a guild, planning battle strategies, fighting on her own as she figured out how to storm the castle and survive this game. But then Kirito came along, and like some blank slate black hole, he sucked the character right out of Asuna and turned her into arm candy to go along with the rest of his collection (one of which being his cousin later on. Wow.)

To elaborate on these arm candies (cardboards) a bit more, none of them are really memorable. There was a girl at the beginning whose name began with an S. She was scared of death and, what do you know...she dies. In about three episodes no less. Then there was the blacksmith girl. I don't even remember the first letter of her name, but she fought a dragon with Kirito, fell in 'love' with him in one day, then was upset when Asuna showed up. I'm guessing I was supposed to feel sorry for her. It takes a lot for me to like actual human characters with human qualities, so for me to give any care about your cardboard girls, SAO... E for effort I suppose. There was some girl with a pet dragon which dies in about five minutes and there's a big deal made out of that. So, again, I'm supposed to feel sorry and sad about something I've not connected with. There were a few other girls mixed in. Most of them only lasted one or one and a half episodes before they were gone (and then reappeared in the end, as if I'm supposed to care about them when they had zero screen time, personality or story at all). The villains are a lot like the arm cardboards. I don't know how drunk the writer was to make a mountain out of something as tiny as not even a molehill. More an anthill. The first villain created this castle because it was some sort of dream of his...but he forgot why. How do you scheme up a plan that involves trapping thousands of people within a virtual game, KILL some thousand of those people, then forget your reason for doing so? It's...almost as if SAO didn't want a villain at all. As if SAO's only purpose was to trap Kirito and Asuna together for fifteen or so episodes so they could have a reason for them to fight to be with each other again for the next fifteen or so of the second bit of the story. Speaking of the second bit, the villain is far worse. He wants to marry Asuna? And he licks her tears? And traps her in a cage? Add an old janky filter over this bit of the anime and you'd have yourself a proper snuff film.

These are the BAD examples of protagonists and side characters. Good examples have flaws. Insecurities they need to face, fears they allow to hold them back, obsessions that lead them in the wrong direction--something, or sometimes many things, that readers/viewers/etc can relate to and overcome as the protagonists fight and overcome these obstacles as well. THAT is what makes characters interesting and worth my time to laugh about or shed a tear or two for. Look at your predecessors, SAO. Full Metal Alchemist, Code Geass, Cowboy Bebob... They all have interesting premises, a knowledge of how to execute said premises, relatable characters with flaws or obstacles that actually get in their way that they have a chance to overcome. These anime actually take viewers on a journey with many different twists and turns. You leave me in one place, and most of the time it's with two of the most repulsive characters I've ever seen (and I've seen some weird characters. Remember Utsu Musume Sayuri above? Your characters are worse than those...things.)

Enjoyment: 1

I know there's not much of a grey area when it comes to SAO. People either praise the fuck out of it, or curse the fuck out of it. If you've enjoyed this anime, fine. But I can't enjoy something with so many plot holes, deus ex machina, just lazy ass-pulls that ruin the whole story. I'm not the romance type, but I know you screwed even that bit up. It's just two teenagers testing the waters of 'love'. If I wanted to see that I'd go back to high school. F - -, SAO. And somehow you have a sequel, a bunch of specials, (and a movie now too I think? Let this milked cow die.)