I like when the portrayed people who went through things actually display how that affected their behaviour and them as a person. Especially when they are shown as moraly grey characters or plain bad people. That's simply just realistic. One thing that this story depicts well is definetly that- how a person who used to be abused develops obsessive behaviours that keep him alive. The portrayal of it though sometimes comes off as "comedic" which rubs me a bit the wrong way but i guess that's what makes the story even possible to be read? It touches apon very serious and hard to stomach topics thatare at times presented extremely well with a lot of emotions and nuances and at times completly brushed off and poorly executed. The pacing also doesn't make sense sometimes.

One of the best scenes was the sucidal attempt in the sea. To not disclose too much spoilers it was simply well done, both with the actions that came before and after it.

Though something completly unnecessery was a whole character hastly introduced for the sake of the mc (the object of obsessive behaviour) being assaulted many times? The depiction of it being so detailed and graphic was also completly unnecesery but i guess that's erotica for you. The problem is that the character who is responsible for that doesn't have much role in the story otherwise?

Spoiler i guess?
The only way i could see it having any sense is that it confronts the guy with trauma with his loved one facing the same thing? And the concluding conversation where he fully acknowledges his own wrongdoings towards the mc.

Either way, the term "mixed feelings" describes this story ratgher well.