Review of Sword Art Online

*English is NOT my first language! This review will be edited... eventually!* Sword Art Online. Loved by many, hated by just as many. Hyped from the day one, and thus being praised as one of the best animes of all time... or, atleast, of this season. As a luck would have it, I wasn't part of that hype. My previous experiences with a... lets say, similarly overhyped titles, tought me a good and faluable lesson to sit back and wait, wheter or not the hype would wear off, as the time passes . And what do you know... it did. Majorly! And yet, somehow, I wasn't preparedfor it! Even though I managed to save myself from the flaming hype-storm, and was pretty much the last one to ever see SAO from the beginning to the end, it still somehow managed to take me by surprise, by how horribly dissapointing it was... and I WAS warned in advance!

Sword Art Online, was a mental battle, unlike any other that I've seen since my DBZ-reviewing days! With a solid and interesting beginning premise, abysmally mediocre story, horribly unsatisfying ending, and disapointingly boring characters, SAO is a equivalent example of a show, done horribly wrong! A sad yet unfulfilling example of crippleling lazines, that should never be given as much of attention, as it so unfortunately often times receives.

Story (3)

The story itself, is almost so basic and simple, that I would almost be tempted to call it "ABC of Fanfiction"! Start with a strong and interesting premise, sully it with pointless exposition and boring bantering, and then just... end it! End it, by pissing to the wind!

And the people, still affected by the hype, were the ones to say, that the story was deffinetly the best part of SAO!

Wow! Really, people! Really?! This, is good ENOUGH, for a story?! This?!

Clearly, there's miscommunication between me, and the "best story ever made, ever"- title, because all I can see, is just some jumbled bits and pieces of that said "story" here and there, randomly scattered allwhere and everywhere, where they would soon be drowned in a sea of melodrama and amazingly superior musical score!

But, let's not be overly critical here, just for the sake of it shall we?

The beginging is indeed interesting enough - atleast, for me - to keep me glued in my anime-watching- position for about... ten... twelve episodes, at tops, when the story seems to be rolling... quite nicely. The world seems interesting... altough, a bit generic, messy and boring, in most parts, but there are - literaly! - some hidden gems in here and there, so it doesn't feel that bad... for that ten to twelve episodes, that is! But, after that magical point, when the story starts to lose focus, and it's all about just some random game-battles, escort-missions with teen-lolies, or characters just blabering on and on about some pointless gaming terms to one another, it all just... fell down to its face, with no splender, or dignity! The story literaly just stopped, and it seemed to have no interest to move forward god knows for how long, until it suddenly just jumped into its conclusion, and pissed me off with a promises of a second season!

If you've ever played any RPG's, or games in general... and if you know anything about fantasy/harem-genres - seriously, just look at the poster! - you will know, where this story is going, from the very start! No big surprises, and absolutely no actual creative thinking needed, from the outside of the freaking clishe-box!

"This one guy plays this game - he becomes uber-good at it! So good, that he becomes famous inside the game... for some reason - because he's edgy, emo, and... solo! Bunch of girls appear in front of him, with some boring side quests for him, and thus instantly fall in love with him... because for a reason! Then stuff happens, and then, the ending!"

It's like every MOE-game ever created! Tropped in a medieval setting! And not even that good setting, in fact! There's nothing but villages, forests or flower fields - boring!

This story was not worth of my time. It's not worth anyones time. It was tedious, boring, pointless, and deffinetly... not worth the hype it got when first aired! I could count for atleast hundred other animes, with better story, than SAO... but why bother?! Overrated Hype is after all even bigger/badder Boss, than the Nostalgia Goggles, so... no point for me dying, by hanging myself on that cross!

Art (6)

The art style isn't really anything, that I haven't seen done before - it's generic. It's doesn't have that "so good it makes me piss myself!"- sort of quality, but atleast it's clean, nice to look at, and without any major hicbums... hicups! Both the magical bums... elements, and the elements of nature are actually done pretty shapely... well, and especially the sunlight was always such a arse-candy... a treat, for my eyes that I was almost drooling on my keaboard! (All those bums...!)

That being said, the character designs, nor the levels of the game, aren't really something to get all overly exited about! Or... maybe, the arses...

The characters are blander than bland, the most cookey-cuttered, the most basic "japanese" heroes, that you could ever think of, or find - young boy, black hear, dark eyes... blah! - and the levels of the SAO-game are just as variable as most of the Amnesia- custom story- levels! Nice fields of flowers everywhere... even nicer forests and village-sets, apparently stolen from some kind of team park... that went broke!

So, yeah... Even though I normally never mention my legit opinions about the arts or music, this time, I have to mention the art as one of the view saving graces for this anime... because, believe me... this one desperately needs it!

Sound (9)

Speaking of sounds... the music in SAO is absolutely beautiful! Truly... this must be one of the most beautifully made soundtracks, that I've heard in a long time!

SAO's soundtrack has everything, that a good show could ever need. It's soothing, when it's needed, it's fast and energetic when needed, and it's sad, and emotional, when needed. It's almost too perfect to be excluded with SAO, but to be fair... this soundtrack was in the end the only reason why I even bothered to care some of the scenes, in the last third of the show.

I do admit... sometimes, such overally melodramatic scores may come just a tiny bit cheap ways to bring out emotions and weight in a situtations where there never really isn't... any... but atleast one of these scores brought tears in my eyes - on it's own, without any cheap deaths added! - so it gets a pass from me, this time, as a saving grace.

Characters (2)

THEY SUCK!!!

Okey, so... that was blunt.

No, really! They do suck!

The main hero of ours is so OP, bland and annoying, that I would rather eat paint than call him even a character! I've heard many times, that Kirito is nothing but a archetypical wish fulfillment- character, and I couldn't agree more! Everything he wants, he gets! Everything he tries to do, he can... even if no one else can't, and with no actual effort, but just... deciding he wants to do it! With such a thick plot-armor, he never makes any major mistakes, or suffer any losses... because he is the famous Kirito - god of SAO!

Asuna isn't really any better. She's just some mediocre tsundere, with swords... and she cooks. That's it! There's nothing else in her, that would make her even a character! But, because SAO is clearly a harem/hentai-simulator, she also bends on top of the tables, gets groped by tentacle-monsters... gets almost raped in a bird cage... and actually is the one, that has sex with the main hero, so... Whait! Was there supposed to be a compliment in there, somewhere?

The villain of this turd, is still by far even worse, than... no, whait! There are actually... two, no, three villains! First, there's Kayaba, who programmed SAO, and turned harmless RPG, into a horrible, virtual-reality death-trap! He's pointless - he doesn't even remember, why he did all this, in the first place!

Secondly, theres this... Fairy King Oberon - oh, brother! - who kidnaps Asuna, locks her up in a cade, and ever-so gentlemanly, rapes her in submission... with marriage! He's pointless - he gets bitch-slapped and... cries? Idk...

Thirdly, there is this murdering quilt called the Laughing Coffin. They do nothing.

Who did I miss... Oh, yeah! All those booby-girls, who won't get to sleep with Kirito! Yeah... they're pointless, too.

And what's even worse, is that all the character development that happens, or doesn't happen, is based upon Kirito... because his harem is pretty much the only part of the cast, that gets any legit screen time! All they talk about, is Kirito. All they ever think about, is Kirito! But do they really change, grow or develope, as a characters because of this... constant hormonal obsession? No! Does Kirito ever change, grow or develope, because of his ever-expanding harem? Nope! He just stays the same, because he's so awesome that way!

Bo-f*cking-ring!

Enjoyment (4)

First, it was interesting. Then, it became fun. Then it was boring. Then pointless. Then stupid. Then boring, again! Then, there were bums... No!

It's like, the writers really did tried to give us something worth while, then went all "f*ck off", and decided to just wing it, since it already became so popular... apparently by merits beyond my comprehention. I still would've been totally fine with it, if the whole show itself was all about this mystery... how far, or how low humanity can really go in order to survive, and is make-believe world actually a better option for some, than the reality?

And what about the conclusion, then?!

What was Kayabas' intention for all of this - to make a point... to dick around, or just play god in his own world? Spoilers - we will never know!

I didn't want to see Kirito, running around with his harem! I didn't want any forced romance between him, and Asuna! I didn't want a villain, who can't even remember his own motives! I didn't want to see underaged girls being groped and sexually abused - I have my own sites for that!

When I can only enjoy a show, purely because of it's graphics and music, then believe you me, there's deffinetly something wrong! Horribly wrong!

Overall (4)

Sword Art Online, is a hot, steaming, overhyped and overrated mess, that I for once, can't bring myself to absolutely hate... unlike, many other titles, with similar crosses to bear!

The show just didn't live up to it's full potential. In my eye, it just had too many problems to overcome, and not nearly enough time, skill, nor interest to make an effort to improve things it needed to.

Give us full and inventive story to follow - not just some shallow and bland harem/escort mission- simulation! Give us some interesting and complex characters - not these talking dolls with swords glued up in their arms! Give me a world, that's unlike any other that I've ever seen - not this mediocre medieval village-community, that I could've come up after lobotomy!

Overally... there are better things out there. A lot better things! I do see, why this show became so popular, but even though I did not like it, I'm not entirely one of the haters, either. Sword Art Online is... harmles, to say the least. It's deffinetly not something, that I would watch ever again, but luckily... there's always an Abridged series!