Review of Evangelion: 3.0 You Can (Not) Redo

This movie concludes the Evangelion reboot trilogy (for now) with a lazy continuation of the abrupt cliffhanger from 2.0. This is such a terrible sequel that I recommend you skip it entirely and spare yourselves the crushing disappointment. I can tolerate the disjointed timelines and hastily written screenplay, but how am I supposed to be satisfied by the trilogy if Shinji never gets to smash? There are three girls who are totally into him: one who lives with him, one who let him grope her in 1.0, and one who came onto him with D-cup jugs. I don’t care if Evangelion 3.0 completely disregards everydevelopment in the previous two films and lets all questions go unanswered in the end, but they crossed the line by messing with my perfect harem. Not only did Shinji never get any schoolgirl ass, but he also ran away with some sexy silver-haired boy who treated him tenderly and taught him how to play the piano. It’s like Hideaki Anno is deliberately teasing me with this blatantly gay twist. I don’t want a loving boyfriend who wipes Shinji’s tears and shows him true happiness, I want a tsundere girlfriend who calls him stupid and never thanks him for saving her life. Kaworu might be adorable and perfect, but I cannot forgive his intrusion of my harem. The worst kind of torture is having a sliver a hope and watching it get crushed in front of your eyes. That’s what it was like to watch Evangelion 3.0.

Rated 4/10 for insulting me with this careless, indifferent movie. Overall 6/10 for awakening my repressed homosexuality.