Review of Sword Art Online

Full disclosure: I hate this show. If you want an unbiased opinion look somewhere else. I started this show to see what all the fuss is about, I stayed with it until the end unable to grasp this series' popularity. What I got for my morbid curiosity was a bad taste in my mouth, also I feel slightly dumber. This series didn't push any boundaries. What it did was delivering action shounen in a well worked sub-genre (caught in cyberspace) was considerably worse than it competitors, but made a lot of money and was crazy popular. Story: 1 The whole In-Game story is about as coherent as the ravingsof a drunk hobo, you'll never understand the mechanics of the 'game' (because it makes no sense) the risks and rewards are opaque, nothing carries any weight.
Layering the In-Game plot with a real life meta-plot can be very rewarding. In the beginning it had a very poorly made Frankenstein-esque thing going that I'd give 3 points for, but Alfheim is a strong contender for 'Dumbest Shit ever'. And I'm talking big picture here, not 'Dumbest Shit in Anime'. It's so bad if I were a lesser man I'd lower the ratings of all other Anime I've ever watched as collective punishment. Let me be candid: the 'Story' is filth.

Art & Sound: 7 & 6
Both more than solid. Didn't lessen the negative impact for me though. If you put dog turds in praline boxes you don't lessen the negative impact on the guy who ate shit.

Character: 1
Characters are the worst I've ever seen. Remember the still images of people in the crowd of Dragonball fighting tournaments? They are on par with the main cast of this show. They cheer when the good guys have the upper hand, they are devastated when not. The announcer of said tournaments blows any 'character' that populates this embarrassment out of the water. The fight leaves the arena? He hops into a capsule corp jet to keep up with the action, because he is hellbent on giving the people excellent entertainment. He... Whoopsie drifted off to a better show there. Yeah, the support cast of other shows - that aren't that cranial themselves - are better fleshed out.

Enjoyment: 3
You might need to get drunk, you might hit yourself on the head with a hammer or you might need to transport yourself onto a meta-plane where you just watch this show to write an angry review on myanimelist.net, but there is enjoyment to be found in this show. The way it tries to hit every beat: action, romance, friendship, sacrifice - but fails so badly can be entertaining. You might need to get through the uncanny valley though. Hearing Kirito and Asuna talk romantically can be a turnoff because they are robotic and lifeless. I've found it helpful to imagine them as household items that are trying to get it on. I can see my oven being interested in my toaster, they both like to heat food. They certainly have more chemistry.

Overall: 2
I had this show at 3 but then I remembered how popular this dumpster fire of an anime show was and resolved to lover it's rating. I'm petty like that. I wanted to give it a 1, but I'm afraid there will be a even more popular show that butchers another well-established field even harder. If that day comes I'll be happy to have showed restraint now.

P.S.: Yes. Writing this review was cathartic.