Review of Neon Genesis Evangelion

If apathy were an anime, it would be Neon Genesis Evangelion. This show didn’t just bore me - it spiritually disconnected me from reality. It’s less of a story and more of a psychological hostage situation. You don’t watch Evangelion, you survive it. Let’s start with our protagonist: Shinji "League of Legends midlane OTP with severe daddy issues" Ikari. This man has the confidence of wet cardboard and the emotional resilience of a dropped lasagna. Every time he opens his mouth I lose a piece of my soul. If he was in a real game of League, he’d disconnect 10 minutes in, blame support, then write a2-page apology in post-game chat. He’s not a character, he’s a cry for help in anime form.

Now multiply that kind of energy by every single character in the show. There isn’t one well-written, likable, or even tolerable person here. Not one. It’s a full cast of emotionally constipated gremlins cosplaying as metaphors. They’re all annoying, insufferable, and somehow manage to be both overly dramatic and painfully boring at the same time. It's like being trapped at a dinner party with family members you couldn't care less about.

People say this anime has character development. And I honestly agree, if by development you mean watching everyone slowly morph into worse versions of themselves. It’s like Pokemon evolution, but instead of evolving into a Charizard, they turn into a damp sock full of resentment. By the end, everyone just comes to terms with themselves, like they just accept that they suck- Shinji's like, "hooray, I'm a coward and an idiot" and everyone claps like it's the emotional breakthrough of the century.

And let’s talk about that. I’m told I’m supposed to sympathize with these characters. Bro, if someone bullied me, threw me around like a hacky sack, and then had a monologue about their tragic backstory, I wouldn't be like "aww man, now I get it." No, I’d still hate them. The creator made these characters this way on purpose. That was his choice. And it’s my choice to hate every single one of them.

And nothing - NOTHING - gets explained. You won’t walk away from this anime with answers. You won’t even walk away. You’ll crawl. You’ll slither into your bed questioning your life decisions. Every time something big happens, the show just smirks at you like “ooh, mysterious, huh?” No. Not mysterious. Just annoying. I didn’t come here for abstract poetry hour, I came for anime, and instead I got a mountain-sized nothing burger with a side of "go read a thesis paper." Actually, I did have one question watching this show: "When will this ever end?" Zero answers. No worldbuilding. No lore. Just vibes. And not even good ones.

People call this show "profound." I call it a fever dream where the fever has a therapist. It’s like the anime wants to make you feel bad for not "getting it," but there’s nothing to get. You’re just stuck in an existential blender with no lid, being pureed into art school trauma soup.

I’ve had deeper emotional revelations organizing my sock drawer. I’ve had more fun reading shampoo labels. Watching this show made me re-evaluate my life choices and not in a good way. People keep saying, “You just don’t get it.” No, I get it. It sucks. That’s what I get.

So, if you enjoy sitting in a dark room, crying to the sound of your own heartbeat while metaphors punch you in the kidneys - congrats, this show was made for you AND YOU ONLY PLEASE DON'T MAKE OTHER PEOPLE WATCH IT. But for the rest of us? Even staring at a wall and waiting for dust to settle or untangling a drawer full of old charging cables feels more productive than watching this.