Review of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya
The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is an anime about an unaware reality warper named Haruhi Suzumiya getting into wacky hijinks with her friends because they have to make sure she doesn't get bored and tear the fabric of reality itself. No, that's not right. Let me try again The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is a 2006 anime adapted from a 2003 light novel series written by Nagaru Tanigawa. No, that's not it either. The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is one of the most popular anime of all time and a sheer cultural sensation from the mid-to-late 2000s.No, no, no!
The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is...not very good.
I know, I know. "Blasphemy!" I hear you cry! Revoke my weeb card! But truly, I do not understand what had people so captivated by this anime.
Actually, that's a lie. I know exactly what had people so captivated by this anime. A cute, quirky, super special girl who they could either imagine being in a relationship with (if male) or being (if female).
Haruhi Suzumiya is the draw of Haruhi Suzumiya. Truly, a character who deserves to have the show named after her. The problem is that she sucks.
I understand that part of the appeal of her character is her dubious morality. I understand that the author and audiences alike are well aware that her behavior is bad. I understand that we are not always supposed to like or agree with her. However, the keyword to that last statement is "always," and that's what makes this self-awareness mean absolutely nothing.
Haruhi Suzumiya is a mean, selfish, bad friend and people literally cannot say no to her for fear of altering reality itself, and most of the time her behavior is brushed off and played for comedy. It's horribly mean-spirited and I struggle to see what's supposed to be "funny" about it.
Haruhi Suzmiya is canonically bisexual, so she has romantic tension with a man and sexually assaults women. No, really. Enter Mikuru Asahina.
Mikuru Asahina is a character who also isn't very good on her own anyways. She has a stupidly high pitched voice and is a very basic, one-dimensional shrinking violet-type. She could give Fluttershy a run for her money. However, her entire character just gets thrown out the window because about 50% of her screen time is eaten up by Haruhi sexually assaulting her. I am not kidding or exaggerating. Forcibly stripping her, groping her breasts, biting her ear, forcing other people to grope her breasts, forcing her into revealing outfits, and (in the second season) essentially roofie-ing her to make a (also unwilling) male classmate kiss her---all while she squeals and protests at the top of her terribly squeaky lungs. And the vast majority of the time it's played for comedy. In fact, the one time it isn't played for comedy, I was convinced we'd see some legitimate character growth and improvement on Haruhi's part, but nope! She literally just goes back to doing the same exact routine.
Our other main characters don't leave much to be desired either. Nagato is an incredibly blatant Rei Ayanami clone who doesn't have much original going for her. Her whole bit is speaking in monotone and calculating. That's it. Koizumi is a character so remarkably boring I forget he's in the show when he's not directly on screen. He has maybe one character trait which is...idk, chill? Vaguely homosexual? The only thing I can remember about him is that he has a habit of getting too close to Kyon's face.
Speaking of, Kyon, the protagonist of our tale, is somehow the best character. If your stock light novel everyman is the best character, you've done something wrong. However, he's the only one who ever stands up to Haruhi (although, probably because he's the only one she would let do that), is usually kind to Mikuru, is generally helpful to everyone else, and has a very strong narrative voice. He's essentially the saving grace of this show that makes it even slightly interesting or funny at all because of his tightly-written, witty narration.
The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is a product of its time. Unfortunately, it's time was absolutely terrible.