Minor spoilers ahead: I like about 97.3 percent (calculated precisely) of everything I watch. Making these cartoons takes a lot of time and effort, and I am always amazed by the will of people to bring their creations to life. I feel that we all should give people the benefit of the doubt and look for the redeemable or at least the serviceable in everything. But man…”Knights of Ramunes,” is just upsetting. This six-parter decides to take some tried and true anime tropes like robots, swords and big boobs (all among my favorite things) and mashes them together in a most unfortunate manner. Imagineif someone took the VF-1 Valkyrie, the Sword of Omens and Tifa Lockhart and went full Seth Brundle with them. Real horrorshow. I was benighted enough to write a review about how disappointed and wounded I was, for serious. Despite the opportunity to use the time spent bettering myself or helping with social ills, I choose instead to use the moments to vent futile frustrations with a near-pornographic anime from twenty years ago. My priorities are obviously in order. I will admit upfront that I saw this travesty through to its end, but that might be just my own masochism finding an outlet. Bonus points for my faithful self-abuse.

The basic plotline of "40 Fresh" concerns a pair of priestesses, Parfait, a novice, and Cacao, an adept, who are sent to investigate the destruction of worlds and the kidnapping of children by unknown assailants. The show starts off well enough, we are promised a sexy romp where our heroines will frequently lose their clothes while engaging in some derring-do. While a viewer will get that in the loosest sense possible, instead expect dozens of cringeworthy "highlights" that HURT. Much of pain comes from the fetishy material which is supposed to be the main draw. Thing is, it's among the most-unsexy I have ever seen. The fanservice is completely gratuitous and lacking the joy/humor of classics of the genre like “Golden Boy” or “Agent Aika.” What we have here is just mean, senseless pandering that will remind you why you hate yourself and the rest of your pervy-ilk. Why titillate a viewer with lovingly animated breasts when you can make them feel entirely horrible about the prospect?

It doesn't really matter, but the kidnappers are soon revealed to be led by Ramunes IV, a reincarnation of a hero that our heroines knew from the previous series (first spoiler: he is an unwitting imposter raised to fill the legendary hero's shoes), which I haven’t seen but can’t possibly be this bad. Flanking him is his harem of scantily-clad female mecha-pilot-minions and his shadowy master Don Vodka, who is VERY obviously privy to info we don’t have access to yet. The fact that the viewer KNOWS that he has information and the story wont let him spill it is downright infuriating because nothing noteworthy really happens until he does towards the end. By then we have had our fill of lackluster mech-battles and boner-killing "fanservice."

This is going to alienate the contingents of anti-sjw's and manosphere drones on here, but my biggest issue with this show is how the adult female characters are treated with such viciousness by this fucker Ramunes IV. It is to the point where any fun kinkiness is totally negated. Holy cow; this guy is just a bastard! And one with a bad Yu-Gi-Oh! haircut! A lot of people enjoy watching or performing "darker" sexual practices, but watching a total Caligula abuse his adoring groupies without an ounce of feeling for them is not my idea of hot. But then again, this show is pretty much negative male sexual frustration personified. I guess I don’t get frustrated in that way and it just plain freaks me out. In addition we also are “treated” to the young sidekick girl, Lemon, being positioned as a potential sex-object (her inclusion in the first closing theme is downright offensive! Look it up! Actually, don't!) despite her looking like a five year old. It is fucking gross. But, there is also an audience for that...but I am not among its ranks.

It is so strange. Many of us are here (at least partly) because we adore anime girls, and probably fell in love with one of them as children. They are mostly animated by men, so they check off so many (admittedly backward) desires and cater to our every fantasy…but at the same time, we also still love to see them abused and hurt in shockingly terrible ways. Even as an adult I am not able to reconcile my adoration alongside the ability to keep watching them be abused. The easy answer is simply that we are sadistic monsters that also hate what we love, but that just isn't a good enough analysis for me. But it might be the truth.

Anyway, back to Psuedo-Ramunes. I hate to harp on him, but my hate for him is compounded by how uncertain is position is in the story. As the chosen one, the “Warrior,” he is charged with saving the galaxy by finding a legendary mecha (of course)…but does so by destroying planets and kidnapping kids? I may have been in a state of utter bafflement, so feel free to enlighten me if I missed an obvious plot point. Even if I did, it wouldn't change anything.

What REALLY sucks about this show is how badly the creators dropped the ball in regards to the story. There is the potential here for some really emotive moments. This is especially true with the relationship between Ramunes IV and the cyborg Electone, his personal sex and chew toy (Second Spoiler: she is a clone! Ooooh!). The idea that they are both “artificial” could have made for a perfect tragic love story for the inexperienced heroines to learn from and us to attach to. A section that is done fairly well is the flashback to Ramunes IV and Electone's past. We meet a meek and kind-hearted boy forcefully thrust into a position of power, but given solace by his beautiful robot companion. He is shown to love her throughout his life, and even when they first join in union his desire for her is telegraphed as pure. It is easily the highlight of the show for me, and it is completed ruined by the fact that we simply aren’t given ANY reason for his transformation into a complete and utter piece of shit other than a vague explanation from Don Vodka along the lines of “absolute power corrupts absolutely.” But there is no indication that he was losing grip, and it kills the story. I will digress and say there is a similar story in “New Fist of the North Star” that is done with some competence and delves into issues regarding providing symbols of hope to downtrodden peoples but also abusing power. That show is worth a view for anyone interested in that story element with a less jiggly orientation.

There are a few virtues here, including a catchy as all smut theme song, rather high-quality animation and some nice outfits for the female characters (they aren’t clothed often though). Our two heroines are likeable enough for being the requisite sexy and energetic. Parfait is most appealing as a nicer version of Lina Inverse (this show was written by “Slayers” staff after all), but I can’t say much about the rest of the cast, which are just kinda there. It really is a shame. It is like the creators of this made every wrong choice possible, and in the end created an almost-porn sequel to a fun kids show.

I feel bad being this negative towards someone else’s work, but in some ways it is therapeutic to use something as innocuous as an amateur review to work out your own feelings about a piece of media. We all love this stuff, often to an unhealthy degree, but sometimes you just have to step back and investigate how badly a work can go, even in talented and motivated hands. And while your at it, try to make sense of why you keep coming back for more.