Since my man Kenny Lauderdale recently made a video on what is and isn't anime, I decided to go on a quest and find the least anime entry on ALL of MAL! Different anime rating sites have different criteria. Anime News Network is probably the strictest. It absolutely has to be written in Japan, directed in Japan, and made for a Japanese audience first and foremost. There's no Chinese animation, no Korean animation, no co-productions. It HAS to be Japanese. Kitsu is the least strict. They say that "anime" is just the Japanese word for cartoon, so why shouldn't all cartoons be added? Avatar the Last Airbenderand Korra are in the top 50. Stephen Universe and Houseki no Kuni are rivals. There are serious arguments over which series has the best gemstone girls! Meanwhile, Elfen Lied is locked in an eternal feud with Teen Titans Go to be the most hated thing on Kitsu. Last time I checked, Elfen Lied was rated slightly lower, but that was before Teen Titans Go made that entire episode trolling the shit out of Thundercats fans, which is a popular anime on Kitsu. TTG probably retook the gold medal after that.

MAL is generally in the middle. The definition of anime on MAL has shifted around since it was founded in 2008. When I joined in 2014, there really weren't Korean and Chinese entries on this site, but those were added because MAL now considers anime to be "Asian cartoons". MAL has held steadfast on excluding American cartoons that look "anime" such as Avatar because America doesn't share the same cultural influences and isn't an Asian country. A MAL entry can be co-produced by America, but Asians have to play a leading role. Doesn't this mean that "The Nutshack" is an anime under MAL's definition? Yes! Yes it does! However, I spoke to a mod and the Philippines is currently not being shown the same treatment as China, South Korea, and shockingly North Korea. This isn't due to any ethnic discrimination, but because the mod assured me that Nutshack WOULD skyrocket to #1 the second it gets added and they want to avoid the headache.

So I wanted to find an anime that isn't remotely Japanese. An anime with a production team whiter than mayonnaise in blizzard. It took me surprisingly little time to find Lolo the Penguin. I accidentally first read the title as Loli the Penguin, which made me giggle. This film was financed by the Soviet government. It was written in Russia. It was directed in Russia. The audio is Russian. The animation was done by Soyuzmultfilm in Moscow. It was made specifically for a Soviet audience plus Warsaw Pact nations. The only reason that this is an "anime" is that Toei apparently provided some film equipment to Soyuzmultfilm. They didn't even help animate it. This is less anime than any Hanna Barbera cartoon! Why not just add Swat Kats or Pirates of Dark Water? At least those were animated in Japan and inspired by 1980s anime. There is simply NOTHING Japanese in the DNA of Lolo the Penguin.

So how is the actual film? Eh...it's ok. It's a 3 episode, made for TV miniseries that was spliced together into a direct to VHS movie. As an aside, my favorite anime OP in this sub-genre is "Guest From the Future" and anyone who disagrees is cordially invited to go fuck themselves. The plot is pretty reminiscent of Don Bluth's the Pebble and the Penguin, which would be made 10 years later. However, it's not clear if Bluth took any inspiration from this film. In both films, an adventurous but kind of stupid young penguin gets lost out at sea, has to escape from leopard seals, and finds himself captured by poachers. All of this is likely coincidence. Leopard seals are the main predator of penguins and you have to fit humans into the film somehow. What's odd is that in both versions the main penguin is an Adelie penguin who befriends a rockhopper penguin that isn't native to Antarctica and has to get back home. It's still probably a coincidence, but I found that interesting. What definitely DOESN'T happen in Pebble and the Penguin is that the poachers open fire on the penguin colony and kill dozens of penguins before an avalanche kills all the poachers. You might think that's a little bleak for a children's movie, but the 90s were a BAD time for Russia, so at least it prepared those 80s kids for the tough times ahead. Russia ain't easy.

Overall, it's an ok movie for its time. It's not great like Hedgehog in Fog, although oddly enough it has the same narrator! If anything it's still far better than The Pebble and the Penguin because it isn't crammed full of bad musical numbers. Do I think Lolo should be an anime? HELL no! However, I don't work for MAL. I'm just some random dude who writes reviews for fun.