Review of Land of the Lustrous

When I first started this, I was ready to give it, like, a 5 because there was genuinely nothing I had to say about it. It was just Very Boring. That's still true but I do have a bit more to say. First, positives. I feel bad for shitting on this show not for the mangaka but for Orange. This show looks pretty good and considering I also hated Beastars, it just looks like I'm an Orange denier and yeah, not true, it's not like it being boring is Orange's fault. It looks very fluid and there is a good amount of stuff I don't think would workas well in 2D like the alloys or the gems breaking apart.

The soundtrack is pretty good although the OP is kinda trash.

All these characters are kind of caked up? They've got a hell of a curve in the back. Good for you, Studio Orange.

...if one of my three positives is that the characters have fat asses, you know this show can't be that good (unless it's an ecchi which it's not).

The story feels weird and, like, disjointed?

The second paragraph of the synopsis on MAL says:
"Phosphophyllite, also known as Phos, is a young and fragile Gem who dreams of helping their friends in the war effort. Instead, they are told to compile an encyclopedia because of their delicate condition. After begrudgingly embarking on this task, Phos meets Cinnabar, an intelligent gem who has been relegated to patrolling the isolated island at night because of the corrosive poison their body creates. After seeing how unhappy Cinnabar is, Phos decides to find a role that both of the rejected Gems can enjoy. Houseki no Kuni follows Phos' efforts to be useful and protect their fellow Gems."

You would think Cinnabar was an important character but they're just kinda like "oh hey Phos, lowkey gonna let the Lunarians kill me (author's note: these gems can't die, who gives a shit, they're probably just gonna go to the Moon and reclaim them anyway), is that cool with you?"

They're kind of a standoffish asshole and don't really matter, it's more about that final sentence where Phos tries to be useful and the way they do that is... questionable?

They introduce a new gem and they die in like 2 episodes and then Phos goes from their first half personality to a Badass(tm) and it's corny and lame. Instead of actually working around Phos being a relatively soft gem, they just give them superpowers (that already correspond to other gems in the force, mind you) and never really bring it up again.

Speaking of other gems, there are way too many gems in this series.

This is 12 episodes and there are like 24 gems and not very many of them get a character at all, let alone a good one.

Rutile is A Doctor who likes dissecting things and doesn't like being called a quack
Diamond is Sweet and apparently not very good at their job
Bort is ALSO a standoffish asshole but they are good at their job and only conveys what matters or whatever
The Amethyst twins are twins. And bang their heads together.
Alexandrite is a Lunarian freak who researches Lunarians but crashes out when they see one
Yellow Diamond is old and fast
Red Beryl likes fashion
Obsidian likes weapons

It is no exaggeration when I say by the time I finish my next series, I will barely remember who any of these guys are.

Speaking of the Lunarians, they are just kind of some sort of eldritch abomination. They are hinted at the very end to have some sort of sentience beyond what we normally see and they are hypothetically part of a trio with the gems and the fish people (oh yeah, there are fish people. They also don't matter after a couple episodes). And eldritch abominations can work for the main antagonistic force, that's kind of what Madoka Magica did with the witches, but then you need to tell an interesting story around the protagonists.

And it has no real thread to go on, just whispers of arcs.

Should we care about Cinnabar? Phos and Cinnabar don't interact once for, like, half the series after the first episode and the only solution to giving Cinnabar a fun job they'd enjoy we see proposed is a job that explicitly isn't fun.

Should we care about Diamond? They seem to disappear after Bort starts teaming up with Phos.

Should we care about Alexandrite? We barely know her. It's even worse for Padparadscha.

Even Phos is a completely different character from the gem we knew at the beginning of the series.

(it's also worth noting that this show does not end on a satisfying note and you'd need to read the manga after, fwiw)

I really wanted to like this series but it was just a boring slog with no characters I could get attached to. If nothing else, give it up to Orange for trying to make the best of a bad situation.